About Me

About Me

Aimee is the author of romantic comedy novels. She's the owner of three teenagers, one husband, a few dogs, cats and fish. You can find her writing, cleaning, redecorating her home, singing to her cats, & uttering profanities as if she's in competition. & yeah, that's a tattoo across her chest.

Aimee Brown

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The 1st installment of ‘Irritations with Aimee’.

Howdy!

I’m not an angry person, I swear it. I just don’t tolerate stupidity very well. I used to handle it just fine. In fact, I think I may have been a bit oblivious to the level of stupidity that exists in our world. Then, I started working in healthcare. Whoa. A single twelve-hour shift in the ER in any state will have you wondering how half of the planet lives through the day. I can’t count how many WTF moments I used to have when working at hospitals.

So, I’ve decided to take a couple annoying little details in life and write a weekly post. Probably they will be things that annoyed me the week before. Or maybe it’s something that came up while writing that I feel the need to express. If you have suggestions, I’d LOVE to hear them in the comments below! 🙂 Let’s get started.

There are a lot of little things that can earn a sigh of irritation from me. I say sigh, but what I really mean is, me uttering the words what in the holy fuck, as I’m standing next to you and then flashing a smile as if it’s not really you… Let me list the things that annoy me today.

  • Wal-Mart & Target check out lanes. I have a separate complaint about each of these so I’ll give them their own line below.
    • Wal-Mart. My complaint here is just about the same as the rest of the world’s complaint. But, I’m going to say it in the form of a question, just in case anyone of importance from the planet of Wal-Mart stops by to read it and would like to give me an answer.
      • Why on earth did you build 25 check-out lanes, when I’ve only ever seen 5 open at the same time? And 5 is on a good day. Normally it’s 1-3. And all of those few check-out stands seem to have the unhappiest person in the store running them. Well, if you live in the north they’re unhappy. If you live in the south they schedule the people who have the most to talk about, complain about, or annoy you about, and they put them on their 3 registers and before you can say hello you’ve already agreed to pray for your check-out girls, moms, neighbors pastor who’s gerbil has recently fallen ill. And… possibly because all you really want to do is pay for your shit and get the hell out, you’ve even made a small but generous donation for said gerbils pending vet bill, just to end the conversation. Humorous, yes. Annoying? Yes.
    •  Target. Specifically the Helena Montana Target. We recently got 4 self-check out machines. Now I know you all know the trouble with self-checkout machines. Unexpected item in bagging area. What I wasn’t aware would happen was that the 12 regular checkouts they still have would basically all but shut down after the self-check outs were opened. I gotta say, the last 3 out of 5 times I’ve been there (which I swear were not all in one day, this time) there is a gaggle of employees up at the service desk, watching the rest of us try and check ourselves out at the self-check out without losing our ever loving minds. It’s hard to keep your cool when the machine has spit back the only $20 in your pocket, fifteen times. So, Helena Target, Do you plan to tear the other lanes out? Is it just a bad reality show for the employees who’ve now got nothing to do but watch us lose our minds? What is going on here?
  • Tattoo admirers. Yes, I have a tattoo across my chest. I love it, I don’t hide it, intentionally. There are those days where like every other woman on the planet, I’d like to not flaunt my cleavage but just wear a normal t-shirt. I don’t even consider that YOU might not be able to admire my tattoo. Since I can’t see it, I tend to forget it’s even there. There are those people, who on occasion, notice my chest tattoo sticking out of the neck on my regular t-shirt and insist that (even though I’ve never met them) I flash the whole freaking store and show them the full design, so they can stare and say ‘wow, did it hurt?’

    • I’m just going to give you a few little facts about tattoos from a tattoo holder. Ready?
      • YES, depending on the location of the tattoo, and the pain tolerance of the tattoo wearer, it likely hurt to some degree. They are, after all, drilled into you with a need gun as opposed painted on with a unicorn handle paintbrush, dipped into the painless tears of leprechauns. So, before you ask, just assume, it did indeed hurt.
      • When discovering an intricate piece of art that is directly on someone’s skin always assume that it is indeed a real tattoo. There is no need for the ‘Wow, is that a real tattoo?’ as if it’s as new to them as it is to you. I once had a drug store cashier continuously ask if my chest tattoo was ‘real’. My response: Nope… I just loved the design so much that I draw it on in sharpie every morning. WTF? Let’s just say, she never asked again.
      • Do not ask a tattooed person ‘what’s it mean?’ There are of course a few exceptions to this rule. Those are as follows – if it looks like their only tattoo in a very visible place, it may then have some kind of meaning. Or, it has a name or a date, likely those mean something to someone. Otherwise, in my experience, I’ve found that a tattoo simply means that the wearer liked the design and had the money to get it. I’ve also found that replying to the above question with the phrase ‘it means I had money’ isn’t something that impresses the asker.
      • Never, and I mean NEVER say this ‘ooh, I love your tattoo, my ‘insert your acquaintance’s name here‘ has one JUST like it.’ No. No, they don’t. You know how I know that? Because NO tattoo artist in their right mind would tattoo the EXACT same design on two people. AND just like every artist, no two tattoo artists are alike. So, even if the tattoo you’re speaking of is a popular flash design, the chances of it being JUST like your friends are virtually slim to none.

Whew! I think I’ll take a breath and be done for today. Any details you’d like to add to my topics? Or maybe you have an irritation you’d love for me to discuss? Comment below!

-Aimee

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3 Comments

  • Jessica Goodwin

    June 28, 2017 at 4:43 pm

    Yup, I hear you on the tattoos! “Did it hurt?”… Ugh. I asked that question when I got my first tattoo and the artist laughed and said, “If you cry, I’ll make it hurt more.” And then I ended up thinking it wasn’t all that bad. Depends on the pain threshold/location, like you said. I don’t think any of mine hurt particularly bad, but if someone sees one and the topic comes up, I always get, “What? That tattoo on your ribs didn’t hurt?!” “The one on your foot didn’t hurt?!”

    Reply

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