I’m not a shy person. I am not afraid to talk to a stranger or introduce myself when I don’t know someone. That said though, I’m also not an easily open person. I don’t like to tell strangers things they don’t need to know. I’m not one to gossip or ask about your personal life if I am not close to you. That’s just not me. I’m friendly, but my cold heart isn’t warming up to people quickly.
I have also been known to use humor in the worst of situations. It’s how I deal with things. Stress, death, sadness, really just about any emotion can include a joke if you try hard enough. I’ve been told on more than a dozen occasions time or two that I’ve got the personality of a man. Ha! That’s not a bad thing to me. Maybe it’s because I had a complete hysterectomy at the age of 30 and I’ve got no more hormones that give a shit. Or maybe it’s just my personality. I’m not the girly girl who wants to talk about my feelings. I’m more the girl who if I do have a feeling, I’m just gonna say it and let you know what it is. Whether you want to hear it or not. No beating around the bush from me.
There is one moment each day where little in the way of words leave my mouth and that is before eight or maybe nine in the morning, while I’m trying to elevate my caffeine level to a livable amount. You know, just enough to keep me out of jail.
So, all this comes up after I’ve just sat at the local Starbucks drive-up window and the much too enthusiastic drive-thru barista tried to get me to tell her every detail of my upcoming weekend. Apparently, my unenthusiastic nods weren’t enough for her. My favorite part about this story… it only took two silent nods for her to give up. That’s quicker than most.
Once, long ago, just after having my last son, I went to a drive-thru coffee shop on my way to my six week follow-up appointment. Here is how the conversation went…
Barista: What are you up to today, anything fun?
Barista (which is a teen male, btw…): Oh, come on! You have to be headed somewhere, what’s brought you out into the world so early on a Friday morning?
Me: *shoulder shrug*
Barista: I know better than that! Shopping? I know how women love to shop!
Barista: Not a morning person, huh?
Me: *stares blankly into the coffee shop I’m waiting at for my 20oz quad shot coffee- this kid doesn’t catch on quick, does he?*
Barista: I’ll give you your coffee on one condition… you smile, and tell me what are you plans for the day?
Me: *irritated as all get out – I smile like I’m an escaped psych patient and dig up as much enthusiastic sarcasm as possible* Well… actually this is the first morning I’ve had to myself in six weeks because I just had a third child. You’d think that would mean I was off to do something fun, as you mentioned before. But, I’m not. If you must know, I’m on my way to the gynecologist so he can yet again invade my vagina with a set of metal prongs to inspect that the stitches I needed, after a twenty-hour bout of labor and delivery, have healed. Then he will poke around in areas that have become quite shy to the human touch before telling me I’m fully recovered and can go about my normal life of servicing my husband when he asks.
Barista: *blank horrified stare as he hands out my coffee*
Me: But, I hope your day is fantastic!
I’ll tell ya, that kid worked there for a few more months and he remembered me every single time and he never asked another question besides what my order was.
Needless to say, small talk at the drive through to people who bounce when they speak, is not my specialty. I just don’t have it in me to fake enthusiasm as I wait for coffee before eight am. You’d think Starbucks would realize that and tell their employees that before eight in the morning, it’s eye contact only with customers. After that, be the most annoying and overly enthusiastic as you can be.
I’ve got no problem chatting about the weather after I’ve been fully caffeinated.
Are you a chatty Cathy at the drive up while you get your coffee?